Expanding Boundaries

[This post has been in my draft for 2 years now. I wrote it when Ryan was 2. He's 4 now. I am no longer a SAHM, and we have relocated back to our hometown in India. Although, much has changed from 2018, a lot of these still holds true! I am posting it now for nostalgia sake.]

     Now that Liana has her own little brother to play with, I spend more of my time just watching and listening to them. Even when they are playing together, surprisingly, they always play around me. Their games and activities move about the house with me, and I am able to observe and partake in their games. I am able to put in a word when limits are crossed, or chip in when help is needed. I am the center of their universe, and our family revolves around me. As a SAHM, I have the luxury of time. And I take great delight in watching them run around, creating havoc on the way. Liana is an avid reader, and it is a pretty picture to see Liana intently bent over a book, and Ryan sitting close to her with a picture book feigning his sister's serious look.

     Not a day passes by without my realizing how blessed the kids are to have each other. Liana opens his chocolate for him before opening hers. Ryan has his biggest smile for his sister. If I am impatient with Ryan, Liana talks kindly to him. Ryan asks for a snack for his sister when I give him one. She watches over him when we are outside, and he trusts her.  To his 2 year old self, his 5 year old sister is bigger, stronger and all capable. We watch with amused fondness, this bond between our two precious children.

     Ryan awaits Liana's coming home from school. We have started skipping the afternoon nap hoping they'll hit the bed earlier at night. But they manage to get double the fun of extra play time at noon, and some more fun time squeezed in before bed time.

     The kids have recently started playing together with their friends from our 14th floor. They are always waiting for the afternoon to come and listen for doors opening - to start the fun. While it gives me time to sit down with a book, or catch up on some adult time with my friendly neighbors, I do miss being the center of my kids world. At times, I feel a tinge of jealousy as  my son skips, hops and runs into my neighbor's open arms. I miss their constant presence and they prefer being around with friends of their own size. While the kids learn sharing, caring, patience, tolerance, taking turns... I learn about stepping back and letting go - even if it is easier said.

     I remember how difficult it was to send Liana to school - to not being able to see her, or give her a hurried kiss; to not hear her voice echoing around the house - even if for only 4 hours in a day. When I got used to it, the kids have grown one step ahead. It is as if the heart always longs for what was, and is in a perpetual state of fondness for what is gone.

     I am adult enough to know this is how it should be, and I go about my work. I hear the kids move into the corridor to play, and I can hear them talk. I can make out Liana's voice saying, "My mummy can... I know, let's ask my mom... My mummy knows everything..."

I smile to myself.

I am still the center of their universe, at least for a little while longer.