Watering my Eden

There are a few mandatory questions every child gets asked...

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" to which most kids answer, "Doctor" without batting an eyelid.

"Whom do you like better - Daddy or mummy?" Most girls choose "Daddy" and boys choose their "Mummy".

"Do you and your brother fight?" (Is that even a question? Eyes rolled for added effect)

And the infamous "Do you study well?"

       Girls in my generation start working soon after their degree, and continue to work after marriage and kids. It is difficult to accept the earlier generations way of father being the breadwinner and mother being the home maker. I would probably have been just like most of the other girls of my generation.

      But then, I quit my job and moved to Dubai soon after our wedding. As a newly wedded couple, we decided that we'd enjoy life a bit before I looked for a job in the new country. The kids quickly arrived, and I had my hands and hearts full without needing to work out of home. Daycare, or grandparents were the only options if I wanted to start working again. Andrew and I decided to raise our kids at home, by ourselves. We decided to wait a few more years until the kids were a little bigger before I started working again. Andrew - never questioning, never demanding is hugely supportive in running the household and in bringing up the kids . He appreciates that after a tiring day of work, I am still in fresh spirits to welcome him home with a smile.

   
       The 'universal lie', "Study well now, after that you can enjoy the rest of your life and relax..." came true, at least for me. I am generally quite laid back, taking life as it comes. And this way of life fits me like a glove. With only one of us working, we have more freedom with our time, to plan our vacation, to spend with the kids. We find that we need to make less compromises.

       Andrew has never made me feel inept for not contributing to the family income. I have more freedom to spend the money he earns than what most Indian woman have, to spend their own.  I am grateful to be able to be a stay at home mom. Not everyone has that luxury.

      I am blessed to be loved not because I am the kindest, serenest or the most beautiful of mothers. I am loved because they are my very own. I am rewarded with their arms around my neck, with random kisses, their confidence and a house filled with laughter.

      Into my garden of Eden, the serpent sometimes enters. Rarely, I see a Proverbs 31 woman who seems to have it all - a woman who has all the threads held tightly and rightly in her efficient hands. And then I become discontent over the choices I have made. When I hear someone say how a career is important for a woman's identity, I wonder about mine.

      It takes prayer, patience and a shift in perspective to come back to my senses.

      I remember how as a child, I felt very secure knowing I could go home anytime to my mother. Sick kids with working parents used to lie down in the classroom until evening, because there was no one at home.

      I recollect the many people who complain about never spending quality time with their parents.

      I cherish how Liana's eyes light up when I go to pick her up from school. She waves to me with both her hands, and she sends me flying kisses from afar. Ryan does a victory dance when we get home. I would not have had all this leisure and pleasure if I was working full time.

      Their childhood is over, oh, so swiftly. Liana at 5 has her first shaky tooth, and I am afraid she'll grow up and get married if I take so much as a nap.   

      And every time I hear about abusive maids, my resolution gets reaffirmed.

      My education and services are no great loss to society, but are of utmost importance to my family. My career can wait a little longer.  I haven't given up anything worthwhile, I have only gained. I hold the threads as best as I can! If I had to choose once more, I would do it all over again.

      So, when I see a Proverbs 31 woman, I compliment her for being the wonder woman that she is. I realize I might probably never be her, so I don't envy her either. We all make compromises, one way or the other. Where would we be as a society, if all mothers opted to stay out of the workforce? Working mother or not, we all have our children's best interests at heart. And that is the only thing that matters.
      
      I water my own garden, and the grass is no longer greener on the other side. And the serpent takes his leave, locking the gates behind him.

A Second Slice of Life

Scars:

      Completely oblivious of all the pairs of eyes on him, the 2 year old ran around in circles, and laughed aloud during the solemn sermon.  Predictably, he hit his head on a bench and hurt his head. Not too much, just a little, but enough to make him run to mommy for soothing kisses. Or so we all thought, including his mother who put out her arms.

      But the boy ran into his nanny's arms instead, who kissed him and made much of him. Satisfied he happily went back to his play, completely oblivious of the pain he had caused in his mother's heart.

Chef's Special:

      My mother was making biryani and the tempting aroma was drifting in the air. "Amma… pasikuthu(Mother, I am hungry)" cried a beggar at the gate. "In a minute, son" responded my mom, thinking it was my brother. In her defense, let us assume the cooker had decided to whistle at that moment.

      My dad's tough exterior hides a gentle soul. Seeing it was a old man, appa asked, "If you can wait for a few minutes, biriyani will be ready."

      "What time is it?" asked the old man. "If it is after 12 O' Clock, I eat rice. Otherwise, I eat only tiffin!

Stare me not!

      Timeliness not being my forte, I had to choose between shopping and applying make up. Neither one could be compromised, as both shopping and make up was for a social event in the next hour. In an Eureka moment, I dumped all my make up stuff in my bag and did a hurried shopping at a mall in Nagercoil.

      With 5 mins in hand, I entered the ladies room, to put on a few essentials. Two women who worked at the mall entered as I was applying my mascara. I tried to ignore their unwavering stare even as they, without any prelude, untied their saris, and coolly started draping it. They exchanged knowing glances, and silently communicated their disapproval of a lady applying make up through head and mouth movements.

      That two women who were dressing/undressing in public had to judge another of their own gender for applying her own make up on her own face. But then, they were draping their 'own' sari.

The Substitute teacher:

      He was closer to 50 than 40. He was a good man, who believed we were using the calculator on our phones, when we had in fact been checking our messages. He spoke on every subject, but the actual subject. One day, with minutes to go before the bell, there was an SMS on all our phones - 'Watch his reaction and also xxx's'. One mischievous young adult had messaged the substitute teacher, from xxx's phone - 'Sir, you look handsome in this shirt'. Xxx was the subject coordinator, and the teacher had her number saved on his phone.

      The Sub checked his phone midway of a story, and paused. His eyes widened and remained wide as the clock ticked. We were bursting at the seams with suppressed giggles watching both the teacher and xxx(who had no idea that it was her mobile phone that had caused the mischief).

      Then the teacher coughed twice, and beamed a big smile and said, "I have crossed your age, and we have also tricked our teachers like this. When we were in college, a boy..."And he moved on to another story.

Secret Keeper:

      We were in Bangalore for a ten day leadership training program, and a talent show was scheduled that evening. Casually over lunch, I asked a friend who was representing from another college, if he was participating. He looked seriously at me for a few seconds. I could almost hear the thoughts running through his head. Then he nodded sagely, as one who had finally made up his mind and asked,

      "Well, can you keep a secret?"

I have always been very proud of my secret keeping skills. So I nodded religiously.

      "The boys will kill me if they know I have told you. It's going to be a stunning performance, a surprise which no one can guess. It's a masala of songs and actions. Make sure you don't miss it. And keep this to yourself."

      Later in the evening, they came on stage with guitars and dressed in Gold and Silver colored attires. Girls buzzed around and I caught the words, "big surprise...secret..." all around. "Hello, how did they know?" They plugged in their electric guitars and sang, "Twinkle, twinkle little star".

The pranksters had been showcasing their talent from the morning. 

How Do We Go On?

In the midst of trials and tribulations;

As we grope in the dark for strength;
When questions remain unanswered;
And great faith gets challenged;
Tell me Lord, how do we go on?

When courage fails when needed;
In the midst of every storm;
When people in power take the box seat;
To watch mankind get self destroyed;
Tell me Lord, how do we go on?

We await your coming, to escape;
From a world where guile is the norm;
Where passions rule & innocence is corrupted;
And the lone, bold voice gets forsaken;
Tell me Lord, how do we go on?

Hold on to us, Father;
Even as we sin, repent and sin again;
Forsake us not; Lord, by your grace;
Forgive us; safe guard our ways;
Gracious Lord, lead us on.

Expectation Vs Experience 2 : Toddler Rules the Roost

(Ryan, Ryan, Where art thou, Ryan!)

                                                     (When the guests rang the door bell!)

(I ended up napping trying to get Ryan to nap. He preferred a box of Ferrero Rocher instead!)

      (Let's go pick up your sister from School)

                                          (Being the life of his friend's birthday party)

           (You know how they are always cranky during the shopping, and napping after the billing?)

Well, well, well. This toddler rules our roost.

Happy 2018, everyone. Cheers! :)