Life Lines

Over a cup of coffee, the conversation turned to our husbands. Within seconds the whole room was filled with so many female voices of, "You too?",  "Same at my home", "I never thought there was anyone else who did that!", "Gosh, this is so funny", "Wait, I don't believe it, he said the exact same thing"... And we realized that it was true! 'All men are the same'.

These are some to the things we found to be common among most men, and how best to tackle them.

1. TV - Our biggest competitor:

Men so succesful and fast moving in their careers, are often couch potatoes at home, which surprises many a woman. How can one sit starting at the screen for so long? Is there no end to it? He says he needs rest after his long day, and the woman wonders how lying before a tv can help, cos she has come home from work too, and watching tv doesn't help her - only talking does, which he isn't interested in! This irritates her, and she wouldn't be, if she knew that doing nothing is a way of unwinding for men, that staring at the screen doesn't always mean that he is glued to what is on screen, but that he, in his private world is unravelling problems. And any interuption from the woman at home at this time, no matter how lovingly, is answered blankly or rudely, because he is being dragged out of his thoughts. Well, how long does the woman have to wait to talk? Not that long as we think. Left on their own, they come out, and they are their old self again. An understanding woman makes sure she lets him have his cool off period, and keeps herself occupied till he is out of his thoughts. A woman who doesn't understand this, takes off to show that she can take care of herself, or pulls a long face and puts off his approaches once he is relaxed. This forces him to stay away from his private time in his thoughts, so that she doesn't get offended. But in the the long run both are unhappy from the strain, as he is not able to be his own self at home.

So what can a woman do, when the man is withdrawn? Have a life. The man would respect her not only for giving him the space, but also for having a life of her own. Read, have friends of her own, be creative, anything but demanding his time at those moments when he seeks mental solitude. And its not always TV, it can be the internet, newspaper and many other things too!

2. But... I was only trying to be helpful!

Men and Women are unique, but all men are the same, as all women are. Studies show a pattern of behaviour which most men and women follow, which is exclusive to his gender.This behaviour which is so apt and appreciated when practised with someone of your own gender, brings up emotions and reactions which are totally misunderstood, and badly reciprocated when used in the same way with someone of the opposite sex.

When something is bothering a girl, she wants to talk about it. Just talking takes up half the pressure off the problem. Guys don't talk about it unless they feel they can't handle it on their own, and that the other person can help. Naturally a girl thinks she's being helpful by wanting to talk about his problems, while he thinks she's being overbearing, that she's nagging when she offers to help again, and she ends up hurt that he doesn't trust her.

Meanwhile, women have their mood swings which even they don't understand at times. How can one be so happy and dull at such erratic intervals? Well, that is part of being a woman. At times women respond the same way a man would when he is forced to come out of his thoughts. But here, instead of leaving her to her own thoughts, she has to made to feel loved to be able to overcome the darkness she is in.

3. I do it my way!

I laughed when a friend had posted on FB "When a man says he will do something, he will. There is no need to remind him every six months."

No woman has ever changed a man, and never will. Men will never do, or change anything just because they are asked to.  Only when he decides that he needs to change, will he change; till then any request for a change from the woman, no matter how gentle or loving made will be  plain 'nagging' to the male ear.

A simple suggestion if they should ask for directions when they are lost, can turn the man cold, as he feels the woman to be snubbing him for being ignorant, and unable to handle the situation on his own.

4. Where 'three' is a relationship:
"... a threefold cord is not quickly broken" - Ecc. 4:12 (KJV).

We often hear that  two is a relationship, three is a crowd. But for us Christians, the opposite is true in marriages. When a home is run with God as the center, a marriage cannot fail, and all relations will withstand, as we stand in His shadow. It's easier to preach, than practise, and in overflowing joy, this is what is often forgotten. We are so carried away in the freshness of love that we forget to rejoice and include God in all our ways. But when two Christians are yoked together, we turn to God sooner or later, cos from Him all our goodness springs...

Power of Prayer - My Testimony

I had my dream wedding on my birthday this year, but what most don't know is that it was the realization of a dream, an answer to my prayers of more than a decade.

I must have been 14, when a dear friend said that to get a good husband in the future, I should start praying then itself. I was surprised, but this spiritual friend helped me see that prayers now will keep our future partner to stay away from temptations, from doing things which would lead us to regret once our lives united. With these words of wisdom ringing in my head, I started praying for my future husband from then on, not really knowing what to pray for, but giving him in God's hands everyday. And it was my secret, even from my best friend who told me to pray in the first place.

Days went by, and since it was hard and too long to say, "God, I give into your hands the man you have destined for me," I felt I should start praying by a name. By what I believe to be divine intervention, I started praying for Andrew. It did seem odd, cos I had never seen, or known anyone by that name, but Andrew became a part of my prayers. I knew the person God meant for me need not come by that name, but I continued to pray for Andrew. 

Years rolled by, I was 23, and coming from a traditional Indian family, my parents were busy filtering proposals for me, their only daughter.  Meanwhile, I was too busy with my career, but everyday before going to bed, I prayed for Andrew.

Then trouble started, I started rejecting every proposal my parents brought up, and even I didn't know why. My parents started getting worried, but they did wait patiently for two years, I waited too. I remember one day, we were talking of a boy, and I told my mom, "Hmph, I can't imagine I was made from his rib" (Oh, yeah - Adam and Eve!).

And one day it suddenly dawned on me, after two long years - that I had moved from prayer to personification, that I was without even my knowledge waiting for Andrew, and I suddenly felt foolish. I am a strong believer in Christ, and believe that God works in marvellous ways, but it suddenly felt like I had been in a dream for too long, and the scales fell. I cried to sleep that night, it was a crushing thought knowing that I might have been going against God's will, and my parents wish by living in a dream, and now that I was awake, it was bitter. My last thought that night was a prayer to God that it might not be too late to go back to God's intended track for me.

Next day dawned, I woke up with puffy eyes, and I was getting ready to go to work, when I heard my mother on the phone. "Hmm, ok, tomorrow night? How about Lynns? Ok, Mumbai? Not an issue, whereever God wills. The eldest is it? I haven't seen him, what's his name? Andrew? Ok, sure, please tell them we'll be meeting tomorrow night. Bye!"

I stood there with my comb in my hair and my mind a total blank. You can imagine how it would have been, to finally get ready to meet a person by the name I had been praying for, for 11 years. All through the day I was praying, "God this is too good to be true, please let me not be disappointed."

We met the next day, and the minute I saw him, I knew it was him. Girls dream a lot, and I have been a dreamer more than most, and over the years, I had wished for many things, and talking to Andrew I realized he had it all. Silly things which no one would have thought about - That he should be the eldest in the family, so that I can be the Anni (Yes, he has a younger bro), that he should not work in the software industry (he works in an Oil and Petroleum major), that his family should be known to us (Maama and Maami were seniors to my parents when they were in college years ago), that he shouldn't be too older than me (he's older than me by 1 yr, and 18 days) and yesterday while we were talking we realized he met more than 15 items on my wish list.

God works in mysterious ways. We had gone to the same school all our life, he was just a year ahead of me all the time. And we went to the same Church all our life, and had never seen or heard of him. Everyone who knows me, know him and once the news got around of our wedding, everyone said it was meant to be.

And that's Andrew and me way back in 1991. We found out about it quite by accident after our wedding. It is one of my most precious photo of us.  

                                                                              

I know it sounds like a fairy tale, my own brother said so when I told him. It took me great courage to tell Andrew, cos I feared he might think I made it all up. But I did tell him (when he said I had stolen his rib and I couldn't resist telling him after that), and he believed it all, stunned though he was (which is very understandable.)

I am not a puritan, I do not say I am pure which is why my prayers were answered. I am a sinner like everyone else, and I feel humbled - I believe in God's everlasting grace, sympathy, love and glory. And now I am Vidya D. Andrew.

Andrew - Thank you for being mine; Maama, Maami, thank you for accepting me as your daughter; Papa, Mama,thank you for always, being there for me, I couldn't have done it without you both, and to my big brother, a huge thank you - for watching over me all through the years, and taking pride and joy in all my success. To all my friends and relatives - hugs for making it a day to remember with my family singing 'Happy Birthday' during the wedding cake cutting by Andrew and me. It will always be a day to remember, forever. Thank you all, so much.

And now I know for sure, that God does answer prayers, Miracles do happen, and will - as long as there is a God in Heaven above, and life on the Earth below!

Writing Spree

When I entered into my first year in Literature at Womens Christian College, Nagercoil, there were a few things which stood out. My last two years had been in Duthie Girls Higher secondary school, Nagercoil, and no offence, after my short spell there - WCC was heaven. I felt like it was all fun and all play. Those three years are so full of fond memories - from Lit-Arena, Library Hours, Mass Communication classes when movies were played, bunked classes, time with friends and of course the 'WCC Masala'.

The days around the publication of the 'WCC Masala' were hectic, and fun. All graduates from WCC will be able to recall the tiny magazine published by the English Department. This was a bi-annual publication, with student members from the English Department acting as Editor, Sub-Editor, Reporter and the like. We had wonderful staff guidance as well, who made sure we were given a long rope, and guidance whenever needed. Anyone could contribute, and we felt it important that 'Literatures' have enough decent pieces to submit. When we were asked to contribute articles, we started writing with enthu. I submitted the poem below, under the title:

Convalescence
I learnt to enjoy nature,
When I had a fracture,
Because of a fall from the terrace,
Tripped by a cat which was a menace.

They took me to a doctor down the street,
Who ordered me to rest for three long weeks,
I cried myself to sleep that night,
Thinking of my sorry plight.
I woke up late the next day,
Which was a beautiful day in May,
I looked out of the window,
Leaning on my pillow.

I spent my days watching birds,
With their wide variety of features,
And watched the games of my pups,
And soon my three weeks time was up.

I had learnt to enjoy nature,
With it's wide range of creatures,
I bade a sweet goodbye to pain,
And went out to play in the rain.

It was one of my first attempts in poetry writing (as the writing shows), but it was a grand feeling when my poem got published, a feeling, like I was already on the way to becoming a literary genius. I didn't become one, but it was fun going through it when I was cleaning my room the other day, and I thought it should go into my blog. Later issues have my name as Reporter, and I proudly keep them as memories of the days gone by...