Life Lines

Over a cup of coffee, the conversation turned to our husbands. Within seconds the whole room was filled with so many female voices of, "You too?",  "Same at my home", "I never thought there was anyone else who did that!", "Gosh, this is so funny", "Wait, I don't believe it, he said the exact same thing"... And we realized that it was true! 'All men are the same'.

These are some to the things we found to be common among most men, and how best to tackle them.

1. TV - Our biggest competitor:

Men so succesful and fast moving in their careers, are often couch potatoes at home, which surprises many a woman. How can one sit starting at the screen for so long? Is there no end to it? He says he needs rest after his long day, and the woman wonders how lying before a tv can help, cos she has come home from work too, and watching tv doesn't help her - only talking does, which he isn't interested in! This irritates her, and she wouldn't be, if she knew that doing nothing is a way of unwinding for men, that staring at the screen doesn't always mean that he is glued to what is on screen, but that he, in his private world is unravelling problems. And any interuption from the woman at home at this time, no matter how lovingly, is answered blankly or rudely, because he is being dragged out of his thoughts. Well, how long does the woman have to wait to talk? Not that long as we think. Left on their own, they come out, and they are their old self again. An understanding woman makes sure she lets him have his cool off period, and keeps herself occupied till he is out of his thoughts. A woman who doesn't understand this, takes off to show that she can take care of herself, or pulls a long face and puts off his approaches once he is relaxed. This forces him to stay away from his private time in his thoughts, so that she doesn't get offended. But in the the long run both are unhappy from the strain, as he is not able to be his own self at home.

So what can a woman do, when the man is withdrawn? Have a life. The man would respect her not only for giving him the space, but also for having a life of her own. Read, have friends of her own, be creative, anything but demanding his time at those moments when he seeks mental solitude. And its not always TV, it can be the internet, newspaper and many other things too!

2. But... I was only trying to be helpful!

Men and Women are unique, but all men are the same, as all women are. Studies show a pattern of behaviour which most men and women follow, which is exclusive to his gender.This behaviour which is so apt and appreciated when practised with someone of your own gender, brings up emotions and reactions which are totally misunderstood, and badly reciprocated when used in the same way with someone of the opposite sex.

When something is bothering a girl, she wants to talk about it. Just talking takes up half the pressure off the problem. Guys don't talk about it unless they feel they can't handle it on their own, and that the other person can help. Naturally a girl thinks she's being helpful by wanting to talk about his problems, while he thinks she's being overbearing, that she's nagging when she offers to help again, and she ends up hurt that he doesn't trust her.

Meanwhile, women have their mood swings which even they don't understand at times. How can one be so happy and dull at such erratic intervals? Well, that is part of being a woman. At times women respond the same way a man would when he is forced to come out of his thoughts. But here, instead of leaving her to her own thoughts, she has to made to feel loved to be able to overcome the darkness she is in.

3. I do it my way!

I laughed when a friend had posted on FB "When a man says he will do something, he will. There is no need to remind him every six months."

No woman has ever changed a man, and never will. Men will never do, or change anything just because they are asked to.  Only when he decides that he needs to change, will he change; till then any request for a change from the woman, no matter how gentle or loving made will be  plain 'nagging' to the male ear.

A simple suggestion if they should ask for directions when they are lost, can turn the man cold, as he feels the woman to be snubbing him for being ignorant, and unable to handle the situation on his own.

4. Where 'three' is a relationship:
"... a threefold cord is not quickly broken" - Ecc. 4:12 (KJV).

We often hear that  two is a relationship, three is a crowd. But for us Christians, the opposite is true in marriages. When a home is run with God as the center, a marriage cannot fail, and all relations will withstand, as we stand in His shadow. It's easier to preach, than practise, and in overflowing joy, this is what is often forgotten. We are so carried away in the freshness of love that we forget to rejoice and include God in all our ways. But when two Christians are yoked together, we turn to God sooner or later, cos from Him all our goodness springs...