On Day 2, Liana woke up asking for her present. The eyes were still wide, the hands hurried to untie, a big grin, then a glance at her brother's gift (Same toy, different color) and Whoa! she started throwing a fit that she didn't like her toy and wanted Ryan's. Ryan understanding that his toy was in demand held on to it tight, and repeated his favorite word, "NO, NO, NO!" to his sister.
Disappointed, I realized my kids were yet to learn the value of things. When trying to talk to them didn't help, I put on my parenting shoes, and the toys were given a "time out". There was no Day 3 and hopefully my kids learnt that they weren't entitled to them. They had to earn them with good behavior.
From a tiny weeny baby who is fascinated with an ordinary ceiling fan, grows a toddler who chases his own shadow and finds mundane things marvelous. And then, these little Munchkins turn into little monsters. Exactly when they grow out of this stage and start comparing, lying, talking back, and develop an attitude is a mystery. The first time you realize it, it creates a vague, throbbing pain in your heart. Our babies, are not exactly the babies we knew any longer. A magical era has forever ended.
But we recognize it instantly, when we see it in other kids, when they cross the fine line between smartness and over smartness; when they manipulate, or bully. With our own, realization is a little late in dawning. And hence, we are late in correcting bad behavior when it happens.
An everyday sight is a parent saying fondly to their offspring, "Say hello to Uncle and aunty...C'mon, uncle has come only to see you..." While some kids say hello, or at least smile, some don't look up from their phones/tablets. A few extremes push away or slap their parents. Unsmiling and aggressive children are so common today, that 'Special needs' children go undetected until its late.
With sons, a mother might ask, "Why are you so angry?" When that child is as young as 2, it is ridiculous. Strangely, I am yet to see a mother ask her daughter that. Then again, we are quick to judge others, but quicker to apologize for our own. "I am afraid, he isn't well"... "She usually needs a little more time." We rush in with some excuse so that our kids don't fall in the eyes of others. But, how many of us remember our parents apologizing for our behaviors when we were young?
Somewhere, by trying to set right the wrongs our parents did, we have made a bigger mistake. By trying to make up absence with presents; by trying to be friends instead of parents;by treating children as adults we have made a graver mistake. Somewhere by exchanging the rod with bribes we have fallen short of our God given role of setting them right.
Of late, we are told not to correct our children in the presence of others. Not correcting a child who mimics an adult in his presence, is plain shirking away from parental responsibility. Everyone, including the child can sense the parent's pride when they mock roll their eyes and say, "Kids these days". It isn't cute to anyone else, it shouldn't be cute to the parent. If corrected immediately, quietly, firmly but kindly, the child will understand a valuable lesson that day. They will know that while they can trust their parent to stand by them, they will also be punished for doing wrong. They will try not to disappoint their parents.
While we all teach our kids to be honest, they do try to get away with cheating in games. It's only a game, is an often-heard excuse. But, it is important to teach the child that cheating even in a game is not acceptable. Learning to accept defeat in a game helps to cope up with emotions linked with failure - It equips them for facing bigger loses in life. It will also make them play harder, and to do better.
It is necessary for today's parents to be hawk-eyed at all times, and watch out for their children. We are told to be there for our kids, to catch their eyes in a crowd and smile. But that way, they grow up too self-conscious, and too safe. We are too exhausted to do all this, all the time. So, we give in and strap them down with a Mobile phone or a Tablet. That way, we can be certain they will be safe. Mobile phones, Tablets and Television are powerful devices, by the way. They can make our children do, what we cannot. But this is not doing any of us any good in the long run. Kids were meant to run around like monkeys. They lose on learning valuable life skills every time they are seated before the screen.
We aren't the first set of parents in the world. Neither are our kids the only children in the universe. We spend all our time making sure our kids are safe, get a fair (special) treatment, isn't hurt physically and mentally. We imagine we'd step back when they grow. We don't realize that with our new parenting mantra, our kids would grow only in size, not in skills.
Dear parents, our parents didn't get it all wrong. You and I turned out just fine. Maybe not perfect the way we could have been. But then, how long will we sit back and blame them? We have been adults long enough and we should be able to fix it, if it isn't right. After all, don't we want our kids to learn that it is never too late, and to never give up?
The clock is ticking!