Watering my Eden

There are a few mandatory questions every child gets asked...

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" to which most kids answer, "Doctor" without batting an eyelid.

"Whom do you like better - Daddy or mummy?" Most girls choose "Daddy" and boys choose their "Mummy".

"Do you and your brother fight?" (Is that even a question? Eyes rolled for added effect)

And the infamous "Do you study well?"

       Girls in my generation start working soon after their degree, and continue to work after marriage and kids. It is difficult to accept the earlier generations way of father being the breadwinner and mother being the home maker. I would probably have been just like most of the other girls of my generation.

      But then, I quit my job and moved to Dubai soon after our wedding. As a newly wedded couple, we decided that we'd enjoy life a bit before I looked for a job in the new country. The kids quickly arrived, and I had my hands and hearts full without needing to work out of home. Daycare, or grandparents were the only options if I wanted to start working again. Andrew and I decided to raise our kids at home, by ourselves. We decided to wait a few more years until the kids were a little bigger before I started working again. Andrew - never questioning, never demanding is hugely supportive in running the household and in bringing up the kids . He appreciates that after a tiring day of work, I am still in fresh spirits to welcome him home with a smile.

   
       The 'universal lie', "Study well now, after that you can enjoy the rest of your life and relax..." came true, at least for me. I am generally quite laid back, taking life as it comes. And this way of life fits me like a glove. With only one of us working, we have more freedom with our time, to plan our vacation, to spend with the kids. We find that we need to make less compromises.

       Andrew has never made me feel inept for not contributing to the family income. I have more freedom to spend the money he earns than what most Indian woman have, to spend their own.  I am grateful to be able to be a stay at home mom. Not everyone has that luxury.

      I am blessed to be loved not because I am the kindest, serenest or the most beautiful of mothers. I am loved because they are my very own. I am rewarded with their arms around my neck, with random kisses, their confidence and a house filled with laughter.

      Into my garden of Eden, the serpent sometimes enters. Rarely, I see a Proverbs 31 woman who seems to have it all - a woman who has all the threads held tightly and rightly in her efficient hands. And then I become discontent over the choices I have made. When I hear someone say how a career is important for a woman's identity, I wonder about mine.

      It takes prayer, patience and a shift in perspective to come back to my senses.

      I remember how as a child, I felt very secure knowing I could go home anytime to my mother. Sick kids with working parents used to lie down in the classroom until evening, because there was no one at home.

      I recollect the many people who complain about never spending quality time with their parents.

      I cherish how Liana's eyes light up when I go to pick her up from school. She waves to me with both her hands, and she sends me flying kisses from afar. Ryan does a victory dance when we get home. I would not have had all this leisure and pleasure if I was working full time.

      Their childhood is over, oh, so swiftly. Liana at 5 has her first shaky tooth, and I am afraid she'll grow up and get married if I take so much as a nap.   

      And every time I hear about abusive maids, my resolution gets reaffirmed.

      My education and services are no great loss to society, but are of utmost importance to my family. My career can wait a little longer.  I haven't given up anything worthwhile, I have only gained. I hold the threads as best as I can! If I had to choose once more, I would do it all over again.

      So, when I see a Proverbs 31 woman, I compliment her for being the wonder woman that she is. I realize I might probably never be her, so I don't envy her either. We all make compromises, one way or the other. Where would we be as a society, if all mothers opted to stay out of the workforce? Working mother or not, we all have our children's best interests at heart. And that is the only thing that matters.
      
      I water my own garden, and the grass is no longer greener on the other side. And the serpent takes his leave, locking the gates behind him.