Even before I had come to terms that we were going to have Liana, she was with us. And soon she was smiling at faces, then the goo-goo, gaa-gaa phase, followed by the wild excitement on seeing her father or me. And oops, suddenly she'd learnt to roll over, and I pick her up crying after falling onto the floor. I should have known. Bad me!
And then she stood up for the first time, and her tiny head was just a little above my knee and I am not sure if Armstrong and Hillary felt half as proud as we - father, mother and child did at that time. Then came the walking and many falling and looking up at us expecting us to lift her up and make a fuss. We didn't. It was one of those things we decided we wouldn't do, in order to help her learn to help herself (unless it was a serious fall, of course!). Soon she was running, growing more independent day by day - putting on her shoes, choosing her clothes and accessories (although it meant turning a blind eye to her wearing that one favorite pair of shoes everywhere) washing her own hands, eating on her own, and the day came when she wanted to lock the toilet door after her and pee on her own. And she was yet to turn 2. I knew then that, that simple act of closing the door to me opened up a new chapter in our lives.
She can be frightfully independent. She was 11 months old, and we were home on vacation. Andrew was returning to Dubai, and as he left home for the airport, I was admitted in the hospital, staying there for 2 days and nights. We had been home only for a couple of days, and I knew she'd need me. But no. Miss Obstinate was quite comfortable with her grandparents, and didn't ask for me, or cry, leading everyone, including me to wonder what kind of a mother I had been. I even started wondering if this was normal in a child, and two days later I could no longer stay away, and I went home, not really knowing what to expect. What if she had forgotten me? And I would die if she refused to come to me. Something must have been seriously wrong in my parenting. But when she heard my voice, she beamed, lunged over to me, put her arms around my neck, and stayed that way for a long, long time, and we kissed, and laughed and hugged and I realized I should be thanking God for her being a good child and adjusting in my absence. After that, it took her almost 4 days before she could let me go out of her sight. She was, probably for the first time in her life, clingy and crying, but for that once, I was grateful.
I have been so proud and content to be a stay at home mom. Unlike most women I cherish being able to spend all my time with Liana. My time is mine and I choose to spend it with my child who rapidly outgrows my lap. I have the time to answer every question of hers, to listen to her imagination run wild, hold her hands exploring home and the world, play peek-a-boo, watch over her as she took a tub bath with her toys for an hour. I would hear Liana sing, "Pinkle, pinkle, little star (Twinkle, Twinkle) and a sudden impulse would seize me, and I'll drop everything and go to her, and her face would beam with the broadest of smiles, and we'll start singing, and dancing, and playing, all world forgotten. Liana and I spend so much time on the floor, playing with her blocks, drinking her tea, reading stories to her and time flies. With junior on the way, and with school years creeping fast, I know our precious time together is running out. And I try my best each day to make the most of it.
This was before she started playschool in October. That night before I lay awake watching her sleep, hugging her, caressing her hair, knowing for a few hours from the next day she wouldn't come to me for just a "ug"(hug), or "kish" (Mommy's kisses have magical powers, hurt little finger, and a kish, er... kiss is all it takes to make the pain go away). She had always been at my arms reach, always within earshot when she talked to her dolls, and read stories aloud (with her books held upside down) that the house was suddenly frightfully silent. I had time to stretch my legs and read, watch a movie, go shopping, all the things I had missed so badly, but instead, Ironically, here I was occasionally stealing into the bedroom and touching and smelling her clothes, and watching the minutes tick slowly on the clock.
Back home from playschool the first day, she was in tears, wanting to go back to school, and it happened the following days as well. As I got to know that my daughter was enjoying herself away from home, I started picking up my own life... my hobbies... and after more than 2 years I finally got to spend my time as an adult - shopping and watching full length movies instead of jingles. I am able to sit back, and learn to trust her with others. I also know, this freedom is only for three more months, and again we start with our blessed new baby. Who knows what lays in store for us. There was a time when I wondered how it would be to lead life with a baby to take care of, but now I can't imagine life without her. Of course we have our share of struggles, she wouldn't be a toddler and I her mother if we didn't. But unlike the last time, I am so very excited, because I am better prepared, and I know how wonderful it is going to be.
Thank God!
No comments:
Post a Comment
Vidya.david@gmail.com