I saw you last night

I saw you last night as you passed me by,
Holding his hand, face lit by a radiant smile,
But you choose that corner where the shadows on the wall,
Were playing silhouettes of the dancing throng.

I could see you adored him, as he cherished you,
But was it fear I saw in your eyes? Fear of who?
I saw him whisper in your ears, gently coaxing,
with a vigorous shook of your head you sipped your drink.

A frown turned up in his brow and quickly vanished,
as he patted your cheek and tenderly smiled,
I wondered what was stopping you from dancing,
For your feet was to the music tapping.

You tried so hard to hold them still,
You wanted so badly to dance to the music,
And then you sat blinking into your cup,
Refusing to look up when asked what it was about.

The silent sigh as he looked away,
Could you be thinking of what others would say?
A familiar battle roaring in your brain,
As the music invited you, over and over again

I know you would hate yourself tonight,
With angry thoughts, and play in your mind,
Wishing you had got up and danced,
Instead of envying and holding back.

I wish I could tell you we don't really care,
If your hair is not perfect, or your figure,
I wish you would get up, the music was soon to end,
Then I saw it in your eyes - hard won determination.

You led your man to the centre to dance,
While friends cheered on for the laughing pair,
The battle in your brain was fought and won,
No more sitting down and missing out the fun

I saw you last night as you danced around,
Curbing my feet as the music shook the ground,
Ah! To have the courage to get up n dance,
Alas! tomorrow, I'll get another chance.
                                       - Vidya David Andrew
 

Ryan - my miracle baby

      One morning in September towards the end of the 1st trimester with my second child, I woke up with heavy bleeding and "knew" I had lost the baby. All symptoms pointed to that... and the next couple of hours were the longest minutes of my life. Time stopped. I anguished over this child I loved without having seen,touched or smelled.

      I believed it was judgement from God.

      I had a difficult birth experience with Liana, and in the dark days of depression, in a moment of foolishness, I blutered out "God,no more. Even if I am foolish enough to ask you for another." I was soon out of my depression, and had begged for forgiveness for 2 years and at the happy news of my second pregnancy, I had thanked God for his mercy. And now, this! Andrew chided me not to think so,reminding me that our God is a merciful God, and we kept praying.

I steeled myself to watch a screen which had till 3 days ago shown my baby's fast beating heart. The scan started and there was no heartbeat.

"Alright,the heartbeats good. Now let's check..." the sonographer said.

"What?" I said, weakly.

She pointed to the screen and said,"there in Black, that's your baby's heart beating fast. Ha ha, you got a very active baby. I can't get him to stay still. He's kicking like there's no tomorrow "

"The baby is OK? "I said dumbly.

"Looks that way to me. These happen sometime. Iam not a doctor so I'll send a note to your gynaecologist and she'll let you know if there is anything to be concerned about.

The scan showed no abnormalities and my gynae brushed aside all my concerns. Anxious weeks flew. We soon found out it was a boy and he turned out to be a very impatient one. Born at just 36 weeks and 4 days, Ryan David Christoson surprised everyone by being perfectly healthy - with a development not often seen in a premie. The doctor certified him to be in perfect health and in 2 days we were home.

Immediately after birth Ryan was wiped and handed over to me and I kept kissing and smelling him out of pure ecstasy when Andrew said,"He scared us to death and look at him...as cool as a cucumber now". I could only laugh through my tears

      Dr. Rajalakshmi at American Hospital, Dubai was an answer to our prayers and we owe everything to her for a wonderful, stress free delivery experience. So many concerns and confusions arose during pregnancy- from work, insurance,health etc but we kept strong in our faith and one by one the knots untangled and soon found us on our knees for prayers  most mercifully answered and needs most graciously met.

      Ryan is almost 4 months now, and thanks to God he is meeting his milestones well. He giggles and coos and loves being carried around. He loves to sing along and to be kissed and reserves his best toothless grins for me. We bonded from the minute he took his first breath and he calms at my touch and sight. Not a day goes by when I am not reminded of how blessed I am with my little bonny boy. Liana and I took a while to bond and I am thankful I got another chance to do it right this time.